Starring Haley Joel Osmont. A teacher discovers that his school doesn't teach sex ed and takes it upon himself to educate his students. He hopes his virginity won't compacted things.
Aaand retro opening.
Oh, fat Haley Joel.
It's the dude from Suburgatory!
Cock bagel! Actually, it's a good idea. If you can fit your dick through the middle.
Why the fuck is there a rocket on that envelope?
Dude, this guy is a super pedo.
Elephant wang cover, fireman pants, and a...turkey baster?
She said "insert". And she's about to have sex. Hah!
How do you want that whiskey? Straight up? On the rocks? Sour?
Good lord HJO is short.
Dude, there's a diagram in the damn box!
It's been a day, and he knows their names? Really? Overachiever.
No way this bar is below his apartment.
This girl is like the poor man's Anna Faris.
Yeah, that's me.
Nope, Nevermind. Not like me.
Ok, maybe a little.
Oh god, those slides. My childhood just punched me.
Oh, momma sooooo wants to fuck him.
4 shots and you're in trouble? Wimp.
Oh god, why with the fish head and eyes and EW.
And vomit.
Why is bartender landlord so smart.
"Cool it, you little shit!"
That's good advice, actually. All of this is good advice. I wish I had this advice growing up.
Y'know, I used to know a kid named Tito. He was a shit.
Wait, gay pedo? One or the other? Both? I'm lost.
No, don't discuss the sister. Don't do it. Omfg stop. No, no, OMG stop with the boners and sweatpants.
I've never been fingered in a movie theatre. I feel gypped.
Hahaha dime store hooker!
I'm waiting to find out this girl is underage
Alcohol abuse!
He's just trying to do the right thing, guys. What the fuck? You're all stupid.
If he gets up that easily, it wasn't really an ass kicking.
That sucks for him. But I'm having a discussion with a friend about the requirements of "she-male" prostitutes to disclose their genital status for their unsuspecting clients.
No, child. Put the oboe down. The fux is you trying to play, anyway?
Not where I expected they'd go.
I was a nerd, bitch. You gonna do something about it?
It's Winston from New Girl!
Oooh! He hit a bitch!
HJO does NOT look any older than his students.
This makes me think of Something Positive: "I want to get off, not shift the tectonic plates."
Oh, you should not have said that.
And the child saw the tatas.
Dude, nobody wants to be a guy's first.
And she walks away without a shirt. Or her skirt zipped. Grody.
And racial slurs. But it's ok, because they're about the white guy.
Those pants do not fit him well at all. They're all bunchy.
And another Latina girl.
oh wait, that's the end? Did he fuck anyone? Like at all?
